1.3. Never far from the surface

So having said the “Sword of Damocles” was removed with the metastasis diagnosis, I now reverse myself and say that particular one sword was removed. But cancer is always with me and that full realization is most likely as part of my cellular structure as any DNA I was born with.

An example: I take blood tests every 3-4 months. Two simple tests – one to record the testosterone; the other the psa. Now there are a lot of new data about the psa as a screening tool. For me it’s not about Prostate Cancer but that these two tests can reveal if there is new “lesion stimulating activity.” From what I understand it’s the testosterone that feeds the cancer. So it’s important to keep the testosterone down, which is what hormone therapy is all about.

We’re in Paris and I am going to see my French oncologist and get a hormone shot by the end of the month. But first I want to know what the testosterone and psa levels. In France, that means going to a private laboratory.  (I have a request from the French oncologist.) The lab takes the blood and I get the results within a day, which I bring to the doctor. For the past two weeks I’ve been thinking about the test and knowingly avoiding going.

Why? It’s obvious! I feel great, but down deep, deep in my unconscious, deeply hidden away from all my joy and pleasure and happy face, lays the fear that the cancer will spread. After all, that’s what cancer does. No matter what, it’s never far from the surface.

Finally, Thursday, two days ago, I went to the lab, which is a ten-minute walk. My French is lousy and they spoke no English, but I had the paperwork, they understood and took the blood.

I got the results yesterday, came home, had a glass of wine with Renée and opened “The Envelope.”

Results were good. So that keeps the dragon away for another five months.